The Power of Fatalism
by SkyChasingDreamer
Summary: An outing takes an unexpected, but relieving turn.


**Title**: The Power of Fatalism  
**Pairing**: Gintoki/Hijikata  
**Rating**: T  
**Disclaimer**: No  
**A/N**: For Lavi, mon amour

**The Power of Fatalism**

It was cold out and even though the sun was shining, Hijikata's skin was breaking out in goosebumps. All day, however long that had been, he'd had the same problem, he just couldn't seem to get warm. Hijikata was currently making his rounds – it felt like he'd been walking around for hours – when he came on one of the most peculiar sights he'd seen in... a long time. Gintoki was stopped under an awning outside the market, some bags hanging off his arms, and he wasn't alone.

Warily walking over, Hijikata asked without announcing himself, "What the hell is that?"

Gintoki looked up and grinned. "That is a child."

Hijikata smacked the back of Gintoki's head. "I know _what _it is! I meant what is it doing here?"

"Then why didn't you say what you meant?" Gintoki hissed, rubbing at what was probably a newly formed bump. "And he's a he, not an it. His name is Kanshichiro. Chiro, for short."

"Still doesn't explain what it – _he_ is doing here."

Gintoki deadpanned. "Do you really even care?"

"T'ch! No!" Hijikata spat, turning his head away. "Of course not! But when he's clinging to your leg like that, it's distracting!"

"Hmm," Gintoki hummed, leaning a little to poke at the squishy lump attached to his right leg. "I suppose that is a little inconvenient."

"Get rid of him! A kid doesn't belong around here, least of all around _you!_ You're a terrible influence!"

"Mahh, I'm not that bad, there are worse people out there than me. And I can't get rid of him, not until his mom comes to pick him up."

Hijikata blanched. "Wait... someone actually _entrusted_ you with their child?"

Gintoki gave him an odd look. "I didn't steal him, if that's what you mean."

"No," Hijikata replied slowly. "It's just weird someone would give someone like you a kid to look after."

"Why is that weird?" Gintoki asked, another odd look passing over his face. "Chiro's mom is raising him by herself and she's doing a great job. But even she needs a break every now and then, I'm happy to do it.

Hijikata looked back down at the child and scowled. Kids were a burden, a nuisance, he didn't abide by the smelly things. And this one looked...

"This kid looks like you."

"Yeah, I know, but he's not mine," Gintoki replied, a small smile coming onto his face. "Hell, the kid could be me if his eyes weren't the wrong color."

Hijikata eyed the small child whose eyes were drooping and body was beginning to wobble dangerously.

"He's getting tired," Gintoki noted.

"So? Do something about it."

The permy bastard waved the bags on his arms pointedly. "My hands are full."

"And I really don't give a fu – care."

"He's going to fall."

"He won't if you catch him," Hijikata snapped back.

Gintoki shot him a flat look. "The same could be said to you. If you're not going to help him then take a couple bags so I can."

Grudgingly, Hijikata took the bags from the other's right arm and watched Gintoki scoop the kid up, cradling it to his chest. Chiro yawned broadly, eyes blinking out of synch for a moment before focusing on Hijikata.

Hijikata stared.

Chiro stared.

Then, Chiro's eyes began to gleam and water started to collect in the corner and... fuck! The thing was about ready to start crying! Shit!

"Uh, natural perm, the t-thing – the kid – is about to," Hijikata waved a hand, starting to feel nervous. "It's going to – tears!"

Gintoki laughed and set the other bags down so he could pick Chiro up with both hands. He didn't toss the kid, just raised Chiro up high and Hijikata took a step back, wanting to run. No, wait! Not run! Stroll! He wanted to stroll away because he had a patrol to get back to. Chiro then smiled as Gintoki put him on his shoulders, small fingers grasping into silver hair.

"Hand me my bags, would you?" Gintoki asked.

Hijikata did so quickly, refusing to look at Chiro, who was showing no signs of those earlier tears. He helped Gintoki get the bags in order, then took a big step back, ignoring Gintoki's amused smirk.

"Why do kids like you so much, anyway?" Hijikata grumbled, reaching for the cigarettes in his pocket, but he stopped midway because... well, not because there was a kid around or anything.

"I don't know," Gintoki replied. "I'm still trying to figure out how I ended up with Kagura and Shinpachi."

"They're just young and stupid."

"And you seem to appear often, too. Does that make you young and stupid as well?"

Hijikata closed his eyes and put a hand over his face. "Why do I even bother with you? You're so annoying." There was no answer and, curious, Hijikata removed his hand to find Gintoki still walking by his side, but the kid and bags were gone. "W-what the fuck? Where'd the kid go?"

"Gave him back to his mom."

"Okay... and the bags?"

"They were for her."

Hijikata gaped and looked around at the now empty streets. He knew something was definitely wrong with that, but he couldn't pinpoint what that might be. The only thing that felt right was having Gintoki by his side, so, he sidled closer, but that brought something else to his attention, something wholly alarming: Gintoki wasn't warm, either. Gintoki was Hijikata's heater, he was like an electric blanket, always a constant wave of heat. For him to be cold, oh, there were all kinds of things wrong with that.

Stopping short, Hijikata glared at his lover. "There's somethin' you're not tellin' me, asshole."

Gintoki looked over his shoulder. "Ah, you're starting to notice. That's good, I've been missing you."

"That doesn't even make sense! I'm right _here_, there's nothin' to miss!" Angry, Hijikata marched right up to Gintoki, grabbed him by the lapels of his shirt, and yanked him forward so their faces were an inch apart. "Why haven't you tried to jump me yet? There's no one around, this isn't like you."

"I can't have you here."

Hijikata's mouth flattened. "You've never had a problem before, bastard."

Gintoki suddenly didn't look like himself. He wasn't smiling, wasn't teasing, he looked sad. Hijikata was frozen when Gintoki reached forward and touched his fingertips to Hijikata's lips.

"I want you so much," he said softly, "but you're out of my reach."

No, no, _no_. Gintoki didn't talk like this, he didn't say this shit out loud, he didn't _look_ like his heart was breaking.

"What's going on?"

"You should come back now."

"Goddamn it, what does that even mean?"

Gintoki's head tipped. "You haven't realized it yet?"

Hijikata gave him a shove. "Realized _what?_"

Frowning deeper, Gintoki raised a hand, placed it on Hijikata's chest, and pushed. Hijikata felt nothing and looked down to see blood beginning to seep his clothes, but there was no pain, he couldn't even feel Gintoki's fingers pressing against him. The blood spot got bigger and bigger, spreading around his vest, becoming so large and dripping down to his bellybutton so most of his front was a sickening red.

"Does it hurt yet?" Gintoki asked.

"N-no."

Gintoki looked up at him – sad, so sad. "I don't need to tell you that's not good, pain is life."

Hijikata felt sick. "A-am I dead?"

"I don't know." Gintoki's frigid hand moved up to cup Hijikata's cheek. "Toushiro."

That was it, that was all Hijikata could handle. Squeezing his eyes shut, he shoved his face into Gintoki's chest and clung on. Vertigo somersaulted into him and he felt like he was going to vomit – fuck, it was cold. It was fear, though, that was like ice fracturing down his spine when his fingers were suddenly clenching nothing because Gintoki was gone.

-o-O-o-

Hijikata opened his eyes and blinked up at the white ceiling, one blink, two, each slow and sluggish. The sound of his own breathing beneath his oxygen mask was loud in his ears and he could feel a dipping in the bed on his right side. There was something touching his right hand as well, something warm, the only warm thing he could feel – he was so cold. What he found next to him was a man passed out with his head on the bed and it was his hand holding the top of Hijikata's that provided the warmth. He moved his fingers experimentally to make sure they were really his own and the man groaned, his brows pinching.

The other raised his head and his eyes widened. "You... you better not be one of those freaks that can sleep with their eyes open..."

It hit Hijikata all at once and when he took a sharp inhale, the pain came and along with it, the memories. He remembered why he was in the hospital, how he'd gotten wounded, and who this man was. Scrambling as best he could, Hijikata struggled to sit up, but didn't have to do more than that because Gintoki had him. Strong arms wrapped around Hijikata's waist as he was hauled into a firm body where he was held tightly and he couldn't find a single to complain about.

"Don't you dare call me lazy ever again, you bastard," Gintoki said harshly into Hijikata's shoulder. "I've never slept for three whole days!"

Hijikata cleared his throat, trying to get the lump out of it. "Shuddap, just s-shuddap."

He held on as tightly as he possibly could, letting go with one arm only to shove the oxygen mask off his face with shaky fingers. He felt warm kisses pressed to his neck and he welcomed every bit of pain from his wounds. He probably smelled disgusting, but he wasn't going to let something like that stop him from leeching off of Gintoki's austere _warmth _against his cold body. He didn't care what Gintoki said, they were going to be staying like this for awhile, though, from the way Gintoki was holding onto him, he didn't think the other would have it any other way.

**THE END**


End file.
